We get attached to things being a certain way: our relationships, where we live, how we create money, what we eat, and how we play. Everything. This brings us predictability and control…and deep attachment to things being a certain way.
Being attached to anything makes us a victim to its availability, accessibility, presence or absence. Our wellbeing is outsourced to what is happening on the outside. And we freak out when things change.
After a point, this desire for predictability makes us controlling, domineering, deaf, rigid, and fragile.
Yet life is the one thing that isn’t controllable. At the deepest possible level, everything on the planet is comprised of energy, of life force. And energy is neither predictable nor controllable. It flows as it engages and interacts with other energy, constantly in motion and cycling, adapting and flowing. Like the weather.
And energy, like the weather, is only, ever, true. It isn’t right or wrong, or good or bad…it is simply true.
And that which is true, flows freely with the energy of life.
When we control what is naturally occurring, force it to be something different, we are going against the flow of life. We are stopping the energy. It’s like we are trying to stop the weather (and we know how well that works).
Humans, as a species, have only survived because of our ingenuity and adaptability.
Think about it: we inhabit nearly every corner of this planet, in the most diverse conditions possible, because of our innate adaptability. No other creature lives in every nook and cranny and corner of this planet except humans. (And probably some microscopic organisms and bacteria, but you get the idea.)
So, rather than getting attached to things being controllable, there is an opportunity to go deeper inward, back to our more original way of being: to trust the flow of energy, and to trust ourselves to handle it. To release the desire for certainty, and to be open and available to the life that is happening all around us. Flowing and changing with it, allowing that which appears (or disappears) to move as it will, driven by it’s own truth. Curious.
To live in such a way that we are emotionally available to the life happening all around us, flowing as it flows. Deeply present. Fully awake to so many possibilities. Also living in truth.
Now that’s freedom.
This is a culture that idolizes the appearance of wealth.
Why do we all want to appear wealthy when we are not? Because we think being wealthy means something about us.
What does appearing wealthy mean about me? Why do I admire wealth, aspire to wealth?
And… when I am attached to feeling superior, I am vulnerable to feeling inferior.
It’s a vicious trap. A set-up. A construct we believe.
Because…what does appearing poor mean about me?
And this is simply too painful to contemplate. So, to maintain the illusion of wealth, and therefor to maintain the feeling of superiority, we twist ourselves into knots and go to extraordinary measures to create and protect and maintain the illusion of wealth by doing things like:
Living within this system of superiority/inferiority, of hierarchy, is a set-up. It keeps us mindlessly consuming and perpetuating, chewing up and spitting out, but never actually satisfying the hole on the inside.
Because trying to satisfy the internal ache through external means is impossible. Any thing (on the outside) that would make us feel better about ourselves (on the outside) is a compensation for not feeling whole on the inside. A substitute for feeling whole on the inside.
It’s the wrong remedy.
The underlying belief in the hierarchy is not actually true. None of the external possessions or appearances or beliefs touch our innate wholeness, we have just lost touch with our deeper truth and wholeness.
And when we feel whole on the inside there is no need or interest in external validation or approval. There’s simply no place to put it, and other people’s opinions and perceptions are meaningless.
And all of these behaviors and beliefs go against our innate equality. Because underneath the belief in inequality (which is predicated on a belief in superiority and inferiority) is a deeper truth: that we are all divinely sovereign and equal.
We have just lost touch with this wholeness by participating in the external hierarchy and validation cycle.
And these compulsive behaviors and beliefs will never work, because external validation and internal wholeness are mutually exclusive. It’s a made-up construct that keeps us controllable.
1. Look at the hierarchy clearly, and all the ways in which you participate.
2. Once seen clearly, release the energetic pattern of hierarchy, and restore the connection with your innate wholeness. While feeling into the feelings within the body that the energetic pattern activates, say or write the following statements:
What if the "ego" is just acquired social conditioning, domestication, that is held in place through energetic blocks? Ego = energy blocks. Ego = entangled energy that is ready to be dissolved and healed?
Guilt is a place where we are entangled with another energy.
We feel guilty because we behaved in a way in which we perceive that we harmed another.
In truth, we can only ever harm another when *they* hold beliefs that go against their wholeness. So, our behavior shows them places where they hold their own wounds. (And they can only ever harm us when we hold beliefs and energetic blocks that go against our wholeness.)
We only, ever, take the behavior of another personally when we believe that their behavior means something that goes against our wholeness. (Otherwise, we see clearly that their behavior is only a reflection of whatever is going on within themselves.)
When we feel guilty for our behavior, and for "harming," another, there is simply energy to dissolve there.
There's an opportunity to de-personalize the behavior by seeing it simply as energy.
It is energy calling itself back to life.
When we see the ego as part of us, we hold our behavior as personal, part of us, that we have it and that it's wrong.
What if, instead, we see our pain as simply a place where we hold energy that is ready to be dissolved? This depersonalizes the cause, the behavior, all of it - it's simply energy that is ready to be dissolved.
Guilt lives in the belief that we could have done otherwise.
(Until we could.)
It's like holding ourselves responsible for not translating the classics from their native Greek
before we could read.
Energies come together
Blindly playing out our learn-ed parts
Energies call to be released, set free
We honor the energy
And we are free.
Any time, any place
We take the behavior of another personally
Any time we assign a meaning to the energy playing out
Is a place we are not yet free.
We are entangled.
Our entanglements are places we hold energetic barriers against our wholeness.
We acquired these patterns
They are not ours to carry.
We can dissolve the energetic pattern, the barrier
And release all the accumulated love behind it
To flood our cells with the Energy of Life.
We can heal, and free, ourselves.
(That very experience is the path that leads us Home.)
With honor for all.
What would self-respect do right now?
What would self-respect say right now?
When the pattern has historically been to get mired in shame, blame, or guilt, instead try someting new:
- Allow the energy to move in the body. No stories, just watch the energy move.
- When it has subsided in intensity, but is still active, inquire within the body what self-respect would do right now.
- Do, say, follow those instructions.
Let it be over. Move on.
1. Our truth is holy. Our deepest truth is the holiest thing about us (because it is the closest thing to God). (John the Evangelizer)
2. Truth is felt within the body. The mind is the realm of culture, of man-made judgements like right/wrong, good/bad. The body is the realm of the true/untrue, it is where the truth is known. Because the truth is the holiest thing about us, that which houses the truth - the body - is holy.
3. When we are connected to our truth, when it is flowing through us, we feel the deepest peace imaginable. This is when our bodies become churches - holy spaces where the divine and the material meet.
So much of our communication as a culture is for the purpose of releasing pain. Judging, gossiping, analyzing, predicting, venting. explaining, rationalizing. All for these happen for the sole purpose of releasing pain, or of being seen, of being understood, of seeking to make ourselves feel better, of restoring internal equilibrium. (All of these are impulses of the unhealed pain.)
On the healing path, we learn that no one is entitled to our attention. No one. Not my child, my spouse, my siblings, my parents, my boss, my employee, my friends, my neighbors. If someone is not in a peaceful state of mind the communication is an extension of, a release of, a perpetuation of, a recycling of, their internal pain. (Or mine, when I am the one doing it.)
This is why we feel barfed on.
There is another way.
The greatest gift we can give another is to not be available for their pain, because that forces them to look at it, to see it, to take responsibility for it...and perhaps even to heal it.
Instead of being available to receive it (even when that only takes the form of listening), we can trust them to handle it, and make ourselves unavailable.
We can disengage, silently honor their pain, honor their path, and trust them to handle it.
(And, when this happens to us, we can honor our pain, honor our path, and trust ourselves to handle it.)
We can clean our own pain, and the underlying wound that gave it a home in the first place, it changes everything about how we perceive the behavior of another.
It takes discipline to practice this, until it doesn't. Until the cost of exchanging pain with another becomes too much to bear, and we choose to instead take complete responsibility for our pain, and only our pain. (There's plenty, trust me.)
And, this slows the roll of life considerably. It may take a day to have a conversation, but when (if!) it happens it is clean.
If this resonates, here is an opportunity:
1. External practice: "I am no longer available to receive the pain of another." Until it has been cleaned by the owner, cleaned of the internal wound that allowed the pain to find a home in the first place, it is not yet a conversation that is ready to be had. Simply honor their path, and be unavailable. "My energy is cycling, and I am feeling stirred. This is not yet a conversation that is ready to be had."
2. External practice: Accept the invitation to witness, to honor, another's pain, provided they do not speak. Silently witness another witnessing their pain.
3. Internal practice: When and where I give my attention to another, when it is not consistent with my deepest truth, is a place where I am out of integrity with myself. Where I am trading the peace of another for my own. Looking at why I would do so, shows me where I am not yet free. We learned to do this, and we can unlearn it. The Peace Power Path is one way to heal the learned/acquired energy of going against our wholeness.
4. Internal practice: When the energy and pain are cycling, and the coping techniques are activated, choose to take complete responsibility for my pain. The Peace Power Path is one way of doing so.
The places that hurt inside are places where I have abandoned myself, overridden my truth, acted from a place of loyalty instead of love, outsourced my well-being to the care of another, etc. ***Nature never does this.***. It is only when we are deeply responsible for our own well-being and tending to our own truth that we are sustainable and bring our best forward into humanity. Otherwise we are the Keystone Cops on the inside, scrambling around to get our needs met externally, when they can only ever truly be met internally.
We are taught from the youngest of ages to outsource our well-being to others. And it’s corollary, that we have the power and ability to harm another. Neither are true, these are the ways of man, not nature.
In nature, the healthiest ecosystems are comprised of the healthiest individuals. A tree would never look to an owl to validate it. A flower seeks no approval to bloom. A bird in spring will never suppress it’s mating call.
Not every culture does this, those that are integrated most closely with nature, indigenous populations, do not. These are the ways of man, the cult of culture, and make us controllable. We dance to an external fiddle, with no actual fiddler at the helm. Furiously rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, with no awareness that we are in dangerous waters. Myopic, and looking for others to give to us what we are unwilling to give to ourselves.
Until we see it. Until it hurts too much to continue. Until we have outsourced our well-being to the bloody end, and found it completely empty, void of true power.
Facing this pain and choosing another way takes courage. It is an internal act of revolution to forgo and release the ways of the culture, with its sticky, heavy, ingrained energy of loyalty, and instead turn inward, and choose love. To be uncontrollable; simply holy and human in our truth.
But this is the path of freedom. And it is our birthright. Amen.
How lifeless it feels to know things, when there is so much available to not know. Wonder, curiosity, trust, wisdom, imagination, passion, conversation, the Divine, the soul, our unique life pulse, surrender, humility, listening, spontaneity, depth, truth, spark, love, magic, exploration, surprise, delight, wildness, instinct, flow, poetry, creation, friction, new life, and growth can only happen in the not knowing. It is so alive...so fertile.
And so, today and all days, here’s to a life ceaselessly, shamelessly, joyfully, floodingly overflowing it’s banks in the Spring of not knowing.
And, like a circle, may we unknow the known within ourselves, first and foremost, until it’s all new again.
(And...when the - culturally conditioned - fear takes over, the desire for certainty, control, or an agenda, grips, remember this is true, also. Maybe not right away, maybe for another time, but always just on the other side.)