Coping techniques are places where we are deaf, where we have stopped listening to ourselves. Our awareness has left our bodies, it is in our heads (or elsewhere), and we are spinning. Activated energy has taken over.
Coping techniques are nothing more than acquired ways we learn to deal with pain in our culture. They are a product of cultural 'domestication,' the ways our culture teaches us to ignore the truth in our bodies and to believe a lie that goes against our wholeness. It is important to know that they are the product of the culture, they are not innate human qualities. (Different cultures have different ways of dealing with pain, and some indigenous cultures seem to have no coping techniques at all.)
We learn our coping techniques, our patterns of leaving our bodies, in our families, in our cultures, we inherit them from our ancestors, or we learn them through trauma.
The path of healing entails catching ourselves in our coping techniques, releasing the energetic pattern, and restoring our attention and awareness into our bodies. Into our divine True Nature.
Our coping techniques show us where we give away our True Nature, our innate human power, in exchange for a perception of safety with an external value. This is a misperception, we are actually never safer when we leave our bodies, but this is how our culture deals with safety.
Using coping techniques, and looking outside of ourselves for safety, is so ingrained in our culture that it is almost impossible to see it, until we leave our culture and experience another, so that we can see it for what it is.
Our cultural domestication is predicated on the belief that we are responsible for the wellbeing of another - that we have the power to hurt another. We do not, but we are taught from the youngest of ages that we are.
In truth, we are never responsible for the well-being of another sovereign being. Healing comes from seeing this, knowing this in our cells, and taking responsibility for our own well being. This entails growing up.
It is particularly hard to see it, and to heal it, when we are immersed in the culture. We cannot find our wholeness when we are immersed in fractions. We must surround ourselves with true wholeness in order to heal our wholeness.
And, as we heal it entails changing everything about how we engage with the culture. And this goes deeply against our ingrained assimilation programs. Embodying our power means we do things differently than we were taught to do it, which feels deeply uncomfortable.
Here's one way we need to learn to free ourselves:
We are under no obligation to engage with another person‘s coping technique. None. No one is entitled to our attention, our compassion, our coping technique, just because theirs is activated. True Power lies in seeing where we unconsciously respond with coping techniques, gathering ourselves, and embodying ourselves again. And only then responding. Or not.
This means actively choosing and taking complete responsibility for what and who we give our attention to. Saying no. Letting things get awkward. "Disappointing" people that are still doing things the old way. Standing out.
Norma Van Horn