Our inner state, in any given moment, is the culmination of where we were born, when we were born, our DNA, the household that we grew up in, the culture that we grew up in, and every single life experience (good/bad/other) that we have had up until this very moment, combined with the exact energy happening within/around us at any given moment.
Wrap your head around that.
Our inner state is a complex, evolving, responding, dynamic.
It is a moving target and, it is ours alone.
Which is why two people can experience the exact same situation or event or phenomena, and have two very different perceptions and experiences of it. They can give it two entirely different meanings.
This is why we cannot take the judgement, or perceived judgement, that another has of us, personally.
Because it isn’t. It’s about their entire lives up until that moment, colliding with the energy of this moment, and then superficially overlapping with us.
(This is why we are a mirror for others, and they for us.)
But we humans, and westerners in particular, are notoriously good at taking the (perceived) judgements, comments, observations, beliefs, perceptions, etc of others personally. And then allowing it to affect our wellbeing.
And then our well-being is precariously dangling on the jagged rocks of another human beings lifetime of accrued life experiences, combined with the energy of the moment, and how those experiences filter and engage with our energy, at that moment in time.
Cirque du Soleil couldn’t navigate this balancing act. Seriously.
It is the epitome of disempowerment to take the perceived judgements of another about us at face value, to take anything personally…as if it actually means something about us.
And, it is equally disempowering to ask others to give us our value, through their (perceived) approval and validation…which is also nothing more (and nothing less) than the accrued lifetime of experiences combined with the energy of the current moment.
If you find yourself doing this, here are some ideas to consider:
- If you had had every single life experience that the other person has had, if you’d been born into that household, to that family, on that exact same time and day, and had every life experience they have had, you would be having the exact same response right now. If anything about it is personal, it is deeply personal to them, not you.
- Another’s perception of you does not make their perception empirically true, it makes it true for them, right now. Nothing more.
- Taking another persons perceived experience of me personally, and giving it the power to affect my well-being, rather than seeing it as their truth, a product of their autobiography, at this moment in time, is like someone else’s calories causing me to gain weight. Ick, right?!
- And finally: taking the judgement (good or bad) of another person personally is a learned pattern. We were not born doing this, we learned to do this through the cultural conditioning process. We hold these patterns energetically within the body. Because this pattern was learned, and because it’s just energy, and because we are comprised of energy, we can release it. We can unlearn it. We can give it back to the Energy of Life to be free, as all energy is meant to be.
The Embodied Root Wholeness process is one way of releasing these stuck energetic patterns. If you’d like to learn more, reach out for a FREE 15-minute chat.
Blue skies, y’all,
What we get wrong about apologies...
Apologies in some of my relationships have been so very loaded.
It seems that they require a pound of flesh, either from me or by me.
Can you relate?
This whole dynamic is diseased. Trading flesh, mine or that of another, is a control mechanism that is based on an inherent belief in hierarchy, in a superior/inferior complex, in a belief that we are not already and always whole...which is simply untrue.
And, when we seek to trade flesh (this is unfortunate wording, but I've picked this metaphor and am seeing it through) we are perpetuating the belief that anyone can harm us, or that we can harm anyone.
Here's what I mean by this: We are all, always, whole, complete, and sovereign beings. When we are AWARE of our wholeness, when we are centered and grounded and embodied, we never behave in ways that truly harm another. We are truthful, yes, while being peaceful and complete. And everything we do and say carries the energetic signature of our wholeness.
When we are connected with our awareness of our innate wholeness, we auto-magically see others in their whole, complete and sovereign selves as well, so we do not take their behavior personally - it is simply a reflection of their truth in that moment.
(Our truth is always relative because we are energetic beings, but that is another story.)
It is only when we are out of our center, when we are ungrounded and disembodied, that we have lost AWARENESS of our connection with our innate wholeness. (We are always connected, but lose awareness of this connection). This is when we behave in ways that are not peaceful, that are not respectful of another's wholeness and sovereignty. That are controlling or judgmental or rejecting or shaming or blaming.
We are projecting our internal disconnection onto the outer world.
When we are out of our center, our pain takes over and we think others have the power to harm us. We take their behavior personally, and if they have the power to harm us then we must control them so they don't. This is required for our safety.
But, the deeper truth is that our triggers are our responsibility, and seeking an outside entity to change so that we can feel better is a victim affiliation.
It's like asking the traffic around us to drive differently because our brakes are faulty. It's the wrong solution because we don't understand the root problem is our inner disconnection.
The deeper problem is that we do not have regular awareness of our inner state, we do not know when we are out of our center, and we do not have tools to recenter, reground, and re-embody to restore our awareness of our innate wholeness.
When we see how our disconnection, disembodiment, and ungrounded energy affects our perception of the world around us, and we have regular experiences of recentering and regrounding ourselves, we are eminently powerful beings. We no longer take the behavior of others personally, and we no longer perpetuate harm onto others.
The Embodied Root Wholeness process is one path to remember how to assess our inner energy, how to consciously engage with our inner energy field, and how to restore our inner connection with our wholeness. You can change your own life.
If this resonates, let's chat!
Blue skies and warmest wishes,
PS: This is now my go-to framework for taking responsibility for my behavior when I am out of my center: "You have been a part of my life for a long time, and you are precious to me. That is my deepest truth. When I did 'xyz,' I was out of my center and ungrounded. A little disembodied. I was so caught up in my own pain that I couldn't even see straight. It was never about you."
The ONLY reason we don't love, trust, honor, enjoy, relish, embody, appreciate, etc ourselves is because we were taught not to.
We were not born overriding the truth in our bodies, seeking external validation, and judging/denying/rejecting parts of ourselves.
Let me repeat that: We were not born overriding the truth in our bodies, seeking external validation, and judging/denying/rejecting parts of ourselves.
These are learned behaviors.
We learned these behaviors from (hopefully) very loving people that simply believed the lie themselves, modeled it, and perpetuated it.
(And then we learned the lesson faithfully and now model and perpetuate it ourselves...just in case you think you're a victim.)
This pattern is ancient. It goes way back. And it is NOT personal.
These beliefs were acquired, and because they are not innately true, they can be released.
But, inner peace and wholeness and bliss does not choose us. We must choose it.
And so, when we become aware of the patterns, when we find ourselves disembodied or judging ourselves (or others), when we find that pain is running the show, we have the opportunity to release the ancient energetic pattern.
Any time we are disconnected from our bodies, or in a state of disturbed peace, we are running a pattern. And activated patterns are ready to be released. The Embodied Root Wholeness process is one way of releasing the patterns, permanently and completely, at the deepest root cause and connection.
And the result is a reconnection with our wholeness, our peace, our divinity.
If you'd like to learn more, reach out for a FREE 15 minute chat!
Blue skies and warm wishes.
Rather than building self-confidence, whatever that is, focus on building self trust. We build self trust by listening and honoring, that’s it. It is eminently doable, simply a matter of focus and choice.
We listen to the messages the body is giving, and we honor and follow are yeses, and honor and walk away from our nos.
It is natural to follow our yeses and honor our nos. The only reason we would not do so because we are prioritizing an external reward structure over our internal truth.
So then, anytime we see ourselves resisting either path, we know that a culturally conditioned program is active.
When we see a culturally conditioned program is active, there is an opportunity to release that pattern and restore our connection with our wholeness, our truth.
And then we are free.
The etymology of the word "radical" is 'of the root.' In other words, our deepest truth.
The etymology of "healing" means 'to make whole.'
The path of 'radical healing' is to make us whole at the root, to fuse our deepest truth with our wholeness, and live from there.
In a sense radical healing is the simplest of paths - it requires nothing more of us than to live from the deepest truth and wholeness. No special doctors, no special treatments, no special equipment..no legitimate, actual barriers.
But, in practice, nothing about this path is easy.
To live from our deepest wholeness and trust is actually revolutionary. It makes us uncontrollable to the external control structures.
But the payoff is huge: freedom, sovereignty, peace. And once we have a taste of the good stuff flowing unceasingly from an inexhaustible, abundant wellspring within, we will never look on the outside for this experience again.
We will never look among the branches for what that which can only be found among the roots.
And then: peaceful, sovereign, free, and whole, embodying our deepest truth, we will make radically different choices on the outside. Because we cannot create on the outside but we do not embody on the inside. And so, this is how we change the world. Embodying our wholeness and our truth, and then doing the next right thing. It is an inner act of revolution, long before it is an act on the outside. But when we do act, it carries the energetic signature of our true, innate, human power.
And it is good. It is exactly the medicine that the world needs right now.
When we heal ourselves, we heal the whole world.
There is no greater purpose in life, no matter what we spend our days “doing.”
And, in this way, we are all healers. Magicians, sorcerers. Embodying heaven on earth. Bringing the divine to life.
With honor for all, amen.
It 'others' us, it creates in-groups and out-groups. It says some people are ok and some are not, or some parts of us are ok and some are not. This belief controls us and makes us edit our own behavior. It makes us judge and question our truth, and it makes us small.
The belief is a contruct of man, it is made up. And, it is fear based, stemming from a core belief that we are disconnected from our own innate divinity, our innate wholeness, our innate inner peace.
The deeper truth is that we are all innately perfect, innately whole, innately peaceful, and innately divine.
We are all aspects of the Great Creator, of the Divine Source of All. It takes an incredible amount of diversity to comprise and represent the whole of all, and every aspect of everything, everywhere (seen and unseen) is an aspect of the same Source. And so we are all, ALL, divine, all the time.
In my ReWilding work, I take people into the woods where we explore energy practices to remember how to listen to our deepest truth again. A woman from a nearby city recently came out with her friend. She shared that she is a highly functioning autistic person, and that she works with high special-needs students in a public high school, where her students are mentally, physically, and emotionally 'disabled.' She is regularly struck/harmed while doing her work, but the unique way that her brain works makes her a perfect fit for this work because she could understand her students and not take their behavior personally. She thrives in this environment, and calls work her 'happy place.'
As further evidence of this fit - the turnover in her department is 100% every year, however she has been there 10 years with no plans to leave.
This is extraordinary, and a perfect example that there is a place for everyone, and we need everyone's unique talents and truths to be fully unleashed and available into the world for the whole to be healthier and stronger, so that we can all be all that we can be.
The opportunity is to release all labels, identities, judgements and fears that are created through the belief of our disconnection, and instead choose to restore our connection with our inner truth*, with our innate wholeness, and with our innate inter-connection with the life that is happening all around us. And then simply trust ourselves, and do the next right thing.
It's pretty simple, actually.
In a world that teaches us not to trust our truth, it is a radical act of love to trust ourselves, and to share that truth generatively and generously with the world.
And it feels so damn good.
*The Embodied Root Wholeness process is one way of restoring our connection. If this resonates and sparks within you, please reach out for a free 15 minute chat. I'd love to connect.
“Your children are not your children.They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”
It is natural to be brilliant. It is natural to be fearless and wild and free. It is natural to be whole and complete and peaceful.
Cultural conditioning teaches us otherwise. It teaches us to look outward for safety, validation, and control instead of embodying and trusting our truth with every cell of our being.
So, now that we remember this, when, where, how will we let this pattern go?
Many of us feel drawn to finding our "purpose," to feeling like our lives have meaning. So we seek an external act or role or contribution in order to find this meaning.
But in reality we are actually feeling disconnected from our own internal awareness of feeling meaningful, of feeling whole and peaceful and alive. And so we seek something "out there" that will provide those feelings within us.
We look outside in order to feel better inside. This is ineffective, disempowered, and temporary at best.
And when we rely on any particular circumstance to be present on the outside in order to feel a particular way on the inside we are vulnerable to the state of the outer world for our own inner wellbeing.
This is disempowering.
The deeper truth is that we cannot create on the outside what we do not embody on the inside. So, rather than seeking external things to fill an inner hole, it is more empowering to reconnect with our own inner disconnection, and then bring our wholeness to the world.
Because, as Mother Teresa said, there are no great (outer) acts, only small acts with great (inner) love.
Here's a quick 3-step path to finding your peace, finding your power, finding your purpose:
1. What changes do you want to see in the world? What are the biggest problems "out there?" What qualities do you seek to experience through the fulfillment of your dream/achievement/purpose?
2. Open your heart to embodying these qualities within yourself, right now. Release all the barriers you hold within yourself to fully embodying these qualities right here, right now. (Embodied Root Wholeness Process can help.)
3. Do the next right thing. And fill the world with the energetic signature of your whole, peaceful, complete self.
Several years ago I came home from the grocery store while talking to my sister on the phone about my nephews health. He was having some health problems, and it was upsetting. In that moment I felt worried, powerless, and helpless about my precious nephew.
As I entered the house, I walked into a beautiful scene: Jeff and the boys were playing legos at the table, and they were peaceful and joyful and in a bubble of love. It was truly lovely. And, while I registered the scene, I couldn’t see it because I was in my own pain.
I raised my voice to complain that no one was there to meet me to help bring in the groceries, and no one had opened the door for me. (To be clear, no one ever did that, this wasn’t new, …but it was a Big Problem in this moment.)
As I was barfing on them, I simultaneously registered the impact of my energy and words had on my family. It was like a soufflé that just cratered and fell. Within moments, the boys started bickering with each other. The beautiful bubble of connection and joy and safety was over.
It was humbling and painful to see the impact of my actions, to see that I had the power to harm the most beautiful and precious of my relationships…that in that moment, because of my unprocessed and unfiltered energy that was being indiscriminately discharged at them, my boys were not safe with me.
“In the 1960s, meteorologist Edward Lorenz discovered that even the smallest changes in the atmospheric currents, those viewed as being insignificant by usual standards, created huge discrepancies in developing weather patterns. This phenomenon became known as the butterfly effect of modern chaos theory. Even the slightest addition to the atmospheric current could create drastic changes in the weather patterns globally. Something as small as a butterfly flapping its wings determined whether a storm would develop on the other side of the world a year later. Chaos theory taught us that every current that enters into the flow has an impact on the overall pattern.”
I see these two stories as being deeply interconnected. In the same way that the smallest of imaginable atmospheric events - a butterfly flapping its wings - can directly create events that take place a year later on the other side of the planet, my energy can do the same thing.
These are the exact same dynamics, because, of course, they are both comprised of energy.
This means that not only did my words and actions have an impact that morning, but unless those actions are taken responsibility for, are addressed, atoned, and responsibly healed, that that discharge of unprocessed and indiscriminately discharged energy will continue to live on and shape future events.
It’s humbling to know that I. am. that. powerful.
But, it’s true.
And that is why my wholeness, your wholeness, the wholeness of all, matters. Because the absence of my wholeness - disturbed peace and indiscriminate energetic discharge - will cycle and expand and grow, and ultimately wreak havoc in some altogether distant moment.
And, just as we create those future events through our unprocessed energy, we are simultaneously impacted by previous unprocessed energy that took place in the past, and in a different place.
These energies will continue to be recycled and regurgitated, growing ever larger, until we learn how to take responsibility for the quality of our energy. Until we take responsibility for our wholeness. Until we stop seeking to blame and judge others, and simply honor the energy, release it, restore our wholeness, and stop the cycle.
We are powerful creators, and our wholeness matters. The problem is, until we embody this wholeness and see our place in the greater whole and see how we perpetuate that which we do not heal, we will seek to change people, places, events, out there.
It is the act of growing up to take complete responsibility for the quality of our energy, and taking responsibility for our energy, and restoring our own wholeness before engaging on the outside, is an act of tremendous empowerment.
And once we experience it, we will never look at the world the same again.
Norma Van Horn