I've been feeling a lack of friendship, and loneliness for female friendship, lately. Scanning the horizon for places I can connect to engage, to spark.
Any many of the options seem to meet the need for the moment, scratch the itch for the moment, but are ultimately unfulfilling. Disappointing. They don't solve the pain, they only distract from the itch.
In truth, many of my relationships are filled with unmet emotional needs - mine as well as those of my counterparts. Different friendships have their lanes - grooves to which the connection returns to over and over. Topics, wounds, patterns are predictable with each respective relationship, and our patterns are fairly predictable. I know to whom I turn for each unmet emotional need - for gossip and drama to go to this one, for emotional processing I go to that one.
I am finding many of the grooves do not feel inspiring or healthy, but they do serve a need.
But...I'm becoming aware that I'm only looking outside for an unmet emotional need that is best met on the inside. The need is on the inside, but I'm looking outside for it's fulfillment.
What if... instead I look inside to solve the problem at its root? By that I mean: turn my need and pain over to the Divine, ask for peace, and seek my connection with the one Source that can restore deep peace, not distract me with a momentary drama. This takes trust and courage and a willingness to sit with discomfort. But when I do so, it ultimately results in restoring a deep sense of peace that takes the hooks out of my external relationships, and releases the need for others to meet my needs.
And, find for myself what I truly need, not look outside for distractions.
What this looks like in a concrete way is this: every time I feel a need for something out there to distract, heal, amuse me, to resist the urge to pursue it and, instead, to have the courage to turn inward and look at, honor, and take responsibility for the need.
Facing the pain, and turning all of the fear and unmet emotional needs over to the Divine. Healing myself, so that I can be a channel for love and peace into the world, freely. A giver of life, instead of a taker.
Norma Van Horn