Gentle Love

My mom has been sick for a long time.  She's in a lot of pain, and she's getting worse.  It is highly likely that she will continue to get worse, from here on out.  Aging is like that.  And, we still have painful dynamics.  Wounds.  Hurtful ways.  At least, I do.  I feel it.  I have no idea what she feels.

As a daughter, I carry a lifetime of this dynamic. Perhaps we always feel like a child with our parents.  And, at the same time, I'm a woman of 48 years.  A mother myself.  An adult.  

As Dave Asprey writes, until we control our impulses, they control us.  And so, the opportunity before me is to love her.  Simply love her.  Hold within myself a space that is conscious and aware, to hold her gently and love her.  To like her.  No matter what she does, or doesn't, do.

To remove all expectations, all words, all wounds, and to focus all of my effort on loving her, accepting her, trusting her, and liking her.  To control the impulse to react, to be wounded, to put up a wall.

To give to her what I would want for her to give to me.