I need validation. Really...why? Do you really? Yes, because I might be “wrong.” Wrong comes from the head. What is the truth in the body? When there is a conflict, there is not listening. There is an agenda.
We know the truth of another threatens us when we judge it. When we feel superior or inferior to it, rather than seeing it as simply the truth of another. Why does the truth of another threaten us? Probably because we are not yet at peace with our own truth. We judge and fear our own truth.
I feel terrified that I am so wild and undomesticated that I am no longer fit for the culture. That I will lose everything (on the outside). The deepest fear is that I will be judged and shunned. It has happened before. And, when it happened, I wasn’t listening, either. Because if I was really listening I would’ve seen that this was a mismatch, and I would’ve honored it. They did for me what I was unwilling to do for myself.
There was a mismatch, and I was using them. I didn’t respect their ways.
Even now, I do not respect the ways of the culture, and yet I am on willing to let it go. I still feel like a victim.
What do I need to let go of now? Judging myself. A wolf does not judge its hunger, it merely satisfies it. Judging my truth. Judging my ways. Judging my needs.
I so deeply want to be important in the outside world. Which, as I know, means I want to feel important in my inside world. That is the root pain. When I feel important on the inside, I have no need for the validation on the outside.
And then, freedom: "It is my intention to release all barriers that I hold to embodying my divine true nature."
Norma Van Horn