When we hold a grudge, we seek to control another.
What we seek to control is simply a pointer, a place, where we do not yet trust ourselves (or another, it's the same thing). Where we hold hardness, not softness.
I didn't actually hurt you, I showed you where you hold pain, a lack of wholeness.
And vice versa. You didn't actually hurt me, you showed me where I hold pain, a lack of wholeness.
Clean yourself and your pain, and I will do the same, and then we'll talk.
(Except we probably won't need to, because we no longer take the actions of the other personally.)
One way to clean oneself is the Peace Power Path.
Norma Van Horn