Processing Rejection

My identical twin sister is not talking to me right now.  This is one of deepest sources of rejection fathomable to me - we are genetically the same person, and from a scientific perspective at our point of origin we were the exact same person.  (Of course, our genes have altered through our respective life experiences and other factors.)  

In a sense this is one form of me rejecting me.

There was an exchange which preceded this, and 'incident,' but the exchange didn't happen in a vacuum, it happened within the ecosystem of our greater relationship and all of it's energetic patterns.  

Within my family lineage rejection is a pattern.  My maternal grandmother rejected and excluded my mother before my grandmother died, leaving my mother with the shambles of maternal rejection and no recourse.  In my perspective, this precipitated a decades-long health issue that my mother (now 75) is still dealing with today.

At various times in our relationship I have rejected my sister, and many, many others, in my life as well.  I understand both sides of the pattern.

Awareness of the absence of my sister's presence in my life occurs daily.  And, pain cycles regularly as well, along with my longstanding coping techniques of blame, judgement, anger, etc toward her.

And, through this experience, I have started to practice something different.

Because as tempted as I am to judge her reaction to the exchange on that day, that would place the nexus of my pain outside my body - it would mean that I would need the outside to be different in order for me to be happy.

And, deeper still, this is an energetic pattern.  It actually isn't personal, and it isn't about the 'reason.'  It is energy subconsciously driving a reaction in order to protect oneself.

So, as the recipient of an intimate 'rejection,' I have the opportunity to grow through this experience and heal the energetic pattern at it's core.  This is what that looks like for me:

• Become aware.  Every time the pain and judgement and blame cycle, notice that I have left my body.  I am experiencing an energetic pattern, which always results in me leaving my body and looking externally for a solution to internal pain.  This energetic pattern will *always* leave me powerless and disembodied.
• Once I am aware that I have disembodied and have left my body, re-embody.  Come back into awareness of what is happening within my body.  Feel into the body, feel the energy of the pain.  This is what I am trying to avoid knowing, this pain is why I left my bodkin the first place.
• Honor that this isn't what I want to be happening.  Really feel into the statement, "This isn't what I want to be happening.  I wish this was different.  This hurts."  All of these types of statements.
• Release the energetic pattern of looking externally for things to be different so that I can be happy, of judging another for anything, of seeking to control another so that I can feel peaceful, of blaming others.  (The Embodied Root Wholeness practice is my way of releasing the pattern.)
• Repeat this process every time I become aware of the energy of blame, of judgement, of anger, towards her.

The result after going through this process is peace.  The situation hasn't changed - my sister still isn't talking to me and I still feel that absence every day - but I have found my power in the situation and I have restored my own inner peace.  

And, this leaves me feeling compassionate and loving toward her.  Which is quite beautiful - I don't need for her to behave in any particular way for me to love her.  Her approval of me is independent of my love for her.

And, hopefully through this experience, I can begin to heal my own patterns of anger, judgement, rejection and blame toward myself and toward others.  And, in doing so, not perpetuate and pass on this pattern so easily to my children.  Perhaps this is how we heal generational, inherited, ancestral patterns of pain - healing them one by one in our own hearts.

In any event, this has been a profound experience of healing in my life.  I find myself feeling grateful for the opportunity to heal this pattern within myself, because it makes me more free.  And being more free is bliss.

If this is something that resonates for you and you would like to explore this topic in a guided way, please reach out for a guided Embodied Root Wholeness session, or schedule a free 15 minute exploratory chat to see if this is right for you.

Blessings for the road.  We are all just walking each other home.