My in-laws are coming, and I notice myself feeling small.
Feeling small is a means of protecting myself. An old coping technique. Sitting on the couch, checking out, preserving my energy so I have a good cushion when they are in my space. I see this particular coping technique is active.
In noticing that this coping technique is active, compassion and curiosity emerge. This question arises: why do I need to protect myself? What does it mean about me that I need to protect myself?
Awareness. The answer is : I am a 48 year old woman. I am not a small, innocent child that cannot protect myself, that does not understand what is happening. I am a 48 year old woman with all of the coping techniques of decades of life. There is nothing happening in this moment that I cannot handle. And, there is nothing to protect myself from anyway.
In simply asking the question, the energy of the coping technique moves through my head, lifting, like a mist evaporating.
I am ready to embody this truth, to see this moment in its fullness, not through the lens of the coping technique.
And then, just like that, my power is restored and I am returned back to the wholeness of life.
And then, a few minutes later: It is time to grow up. It is time for me to take care of them. The energy shifts further, and I grow up even more. To take on the energy of the caregiver, not the child. To see the opportunity for my power to take on physical form, to take action.
Embodying my Power is the first step.
Taking action is the second.
Power in Action is how I grow up.
Here is the process:
1. Notice coping technique is active.
2. Ask self: What does it mean about me that _____________.
4. Restore connection to my True Nature. See my place in the greater whole.
5. Take action from my place. My unique place in the whole. The only place that I can embody, doing what is uniquely mine to do.
Norma Van Horn