The worlds wants me to heal. It just does. And, every event of every day can be seen as an opportunity to do so. Everything that happens is either for my benefit, or to help me see and heal a place within me that is wounded. So, the two responses to life can either be to say “thank you!” or “what does this reveal about me that is ready to be healed?”
For example, I used to have a boss that said I was “exhausting.” At the time it really stung because, in my opinion, I brought issues to her that needed her attention. They were outside my scope and affected my ability to do my job. Her feedback was that it was sometimes “exhausting.” I was exhausting. To her, perhaps the information was inconvenient, premature, incomplete, … something. Regardless, she didn’t want to address the situation or deal with the information right then. I made her feel things.
Similarly, there is a woman at my kids school that makes me feel things - fear, mistrust, suspicion. I want her to stop doing what she’s doing so I can feel more comfortable. I want her to change.
In both situations, a person is feeling prickled by another person - a place inside that is not in peace. When someone makes us feel things, it is because we are off balance, vulnerable, unhealed inside.
For me, healing means to restore to peace, to wholeness, to integrity, to myself. And, it is something only I can do for myself. It's my responsibility - we can’t outsource true healing. And changing the circumstances on the outside doesn’t address the internal wound, it is there, ready to prickle us the next time. We are still vulnerable to external events that prickle that pain.
I see this regularly as I parent, and I think the same dynamic applies to the larger world as well. If I am solid and grounded and peaceful, and they are upset, I can see clearly what is happening and effortlessly solve the problem. With compassion and love. If they are crying while I am frazzled in traffic however, I cannot. The quality of my engagement with them, the quality of my solutions, is completely dependent on my state of mind in the moment.
The same dynamic is true in the greater world, as well.
This does not mean there isn’t a role to exert, a truth to speak, a problem to solve on the outside - there very well might be. But, until the inside is clear and clean and healed, the best external solution is not yet knowleable. We reap what we sow - if I put my fear-based energy into the world then that is what I will sow.
And so, that feeling is mine to take complete responsibility for, to address and heal, first and foremost. Once I am clear and peaceful then I will know the next right thing to do in the world.
But, we’re obsessed with controlling and changing other people, changing external circumstances, without the benefit of having learned the lessons or healed the wound within ourselves first. This will not lead to right action in the world, or to transformational change.
Transformational change can only come from thinking that is different than that which created the circumstance in the first place.
I must first take complete responsibility for my imbalance by honoring my pain, facing my wound, my fear, my powerlessness. See it with compassion, honor it, and take complete responsibility for it, and turn it over to the Divine to heal it. Heal myself by restoring myself to peace and balance. That is where my power is. Then, and only then, once peaceful and balanced, am I ready to engage in the world.
And...this takes courage, patience, compassion, vulnerability, trust. Time. Maturity. It is much easier to lash out at the world, to express righteous counter-rage, to demand someone else change. But this is ultimately a losing game. The pain will never be appeased on the outside because the root cause has not yet been addressed on the inside.
Norma Van Horn