We all want more than one vote. By this I mean that we want to control an outcome, not participate in a process. It is endemic in our culture, this me-centric desire to control other people. And it puts us out of order in our groups.
We are all members of groups: school, community, work, family groups. And in those groups we wear different hats: leader, parent, member, etc. But regardless of our role within a group, we are ever and always, only one member. One vote.
If we could create a heat map of our respective groups we may see this more clearly: in this group we are disproportionately larger than our one position or role. In another group, we are disproportionately smaller.
(This is not to say that we don't have different roles within groups. And different roles have different responsibilities. But it is important to differentiate between roles and participation. Heat. Size.)
Any system, or group, in which there are disproportionate heat maps or sizes, is out of balance. And, a system that is out of balance in any dimension is out of balance for the whole.
Being out of balance feels bad. It feels like we either want to control the group, or we are being controlled by the group. Both are out of balance and unhealthy. It may be familiar, or common, but it is not healthy.
As a member of a group, we get one vote. One place...our place. Right-sized.
I believe this is what is happening within our culture and world right now. There are people, and groups, that are disproportionately sized. They do not know their place in the larger group. They want to control other people or control an outcome, and actually have the means to do so.
This is changing. But, it is our respective responsibilities for correcting the imbalance within our own selves. Not to simply complain about the others, or even try to change them (ahem), but to instead change ourselves. To see where we are out of balance and to fix it inside. To right-size ourselves.
It is always within our own power to right size ourselves, and it is our responsibility to do so. Once we realize we are out of balance, it is our responsibility to right-size ourselves. To self-police, and hold ourselves accountable to participate more, or to participate less. To be more inclusive, or to include ourselves more. To right-size ourselves.
We always know where we are in the group, our power position. If we feel like a predator or a pray. If we feel bigger than others, or smaller, or equal. Open or closed. Expanding and inclusive or closed and exclusive.
And, we always have the right to change: our groups, our roles, our participation. To remove ourselves from any group that does not feel aligned with our desire for open-hearted, inclusive participation. To let how we feel within our groups be the litmus test by which we align our lives.
Norma Van Horn